Song on a Winter Night
Allah,
let me offer songs and paper boats
at your house of prayer,
so submarine
my song pure as a wound,
and my boat crafted in blue
To friends
who call me a recluse,
I say,
I never wished
to let the season of flowers
pass me by,
but most of the time,
I am hunting for clues
to
what went wrong
with my sense of smell
and
my sense of sound.
Allah,
what was it?
those blue
electric dancers of the sky,
their footfalls
belong to another time,
drenched and distant they
forget
my name
and I forget my prayer
on the night
of crisis;
the shoreline disappears.
Allah,
let me be the song
sprinkled
at your altar, so submarine
a song wounded by winter,
a boat learning to speak.
.
18 comments:
"so submarine" .... this itself contains all the poetic elements of this piece.
After this poem i believe the boat will learn to speak...and they will never forget you..you have reached a different level am sure... spiritually ofcourse!!
sumthin new...altho i didn't like dis 1 much...nice images but overall nt as great as sum f ur oder 1's...
Yeah, sometimes we must stop comparing :-)
"I am hunting for clues to what went wrong with my sense of smell and my sense of sound.
Allah,what was it?"
this is a poem of re-realisation and re awakening...
this is BEAUTIFUL...an egress of something which perhaps you know best!
with respect!
'your altar, so submarine'
at times I am convinced that finally, maybe finally, i have fucked up my sense of smell and sound. and then I read a few of such perfectly crafted lines. i drown.
"so submarine"-that expression really speaks so much more than it actually does...the half revealing art of poetry!!This one has the tone of fervent pleas to the Master and your imageries as always are remarkable.
'Sense of smell and my sense of sound smell'....it appeals so much to the sense of perception.Only Allah knows 'what went wrong'.
When u chk my poems see if u can manage to read the first one.Everyone's complaining that it's appearing in codes.
Deeptesh
'...but most of the time,
I am hunting for clues
to
what went wrong
with my sense of smell
and
my sense of sound.'
This is so beautiful and so mon-kemon-kora...
Reminds me of so many faces and so many souls I've met...and none of which I can name..in a way..
No clue why...
Loved it...
i thought i wouldnt comment on this one after all... but i've changed my mind. here it is -
no comments :)[figure out what it means]
Yes. Beautiful! This is really more satisfying than many others of yours. You always strike good lines in each of your poems, but few (lines, not poms) also left me indifferent earlier. Here each of them are good. You have reached somewhere with this. The next one might not satisfy this is so good! :)
He offered his songs and tender paper boats at the house of prayers....
I won't say much..I don't have words either.
I don't know how one should comment on poems...coz each one is arcane and mystic in it's own way revealing thoughts yet concealing a lot..
I hope you're doing well.
Take care.
~
Rye
P.S. ~ Allah smiles too :)
I don't know why am I telling you this. Prolly because you sensed the music..
Have you heard the song Sway with me by Dean Martin? There were lines in the one I just wrote...abt me singing it..
It felt odd that you sensed any music in that......so..I just wrote in to you...
Thank you for your words Inam!
I like the mix and the gamut of all bright and evil here.
ah! Great to hear from you. And i'm so happy that i have finally come across somebody who actually reads Tzara and appreciates his work. If you have indeed read him, you must have read Arp, Artaud, Soupault et al. If not, do go through their works. I'm sure you'll end up in the arms of poetic thirst for you write well and your words are shorn of ballast and pompous vanity which in turn opens a tiny window into the sincere reader inside you.
o. wow...
i dont write
but the neat craft of ur words
does inspire the meat and air
"so submarine"...the red coils through the hollow me.
Inam it's spiritually elegant!
Commenting on you poems itself is futile. It stirs some dead, ancient feelings within every time I read them.
This one too is no exception.
Beautiful alchemy of words, so simple and yet so profound.
d simplicity n d honesty.i loved it!
ha, I will experiment my thought, your post give me some good ideas, it's really awesome, thanks.
- Murk
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